someone owes me an orgasm
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
