Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize