I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
