I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
