He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
