Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
