Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
