Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
