Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
