I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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