ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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