Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
