it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
