she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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