Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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