Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
