Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He has the fingertips of a God
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