Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
