The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And then he peed in my hair
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