I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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