Kiss
Puke
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
