I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize