Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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