I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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