this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
