i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
