how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this just has baby written all over it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
