I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
