If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
