At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
