so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
