I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
