I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
