dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
