yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
