So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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