THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
