So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize