do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
