What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
