K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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