I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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