My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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