You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize