Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
