What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
only if we run a train.
done.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
