if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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