dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
