things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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