I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
