My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
