you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize