I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you didnt know i had herpes?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
