If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
