I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He felt like a one man threesome
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
