I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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