Who did Billy Mays play for?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
