Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
