He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize