before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
