Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
