I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
