I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
