May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
