I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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