I think I died a long time ago.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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