He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
