i think my tv is drunk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
