You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
