thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
