I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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