While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
