I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
