my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
