Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
