Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
