Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
