We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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