i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
home. puking in laundry basket.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
