You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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