Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
