but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
