just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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