you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
