my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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