Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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