i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
