i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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