We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
