Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Someone signed my nipple.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
