Her vagina should come with caution tape.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
