so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
