feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
