Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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