I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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