Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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