btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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