The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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