I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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