she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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