census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
