So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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