make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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